What is sexy lingerie? Women, confidence and comfort over lace
What do you see on your inner retina if I ask you to think about sexy lingerie ?
For many of us, the same image probably comes to mind: little lace panties in pink or red, maybe a push-up bra, a silky petticoat that discreetly – or not so discreetly – shows cleavage. And if you're in doubt about where that notion comes from, try googling sexy lingerie . The search results don't match your inner movie very well?
Through popular culture and over decades, we as consumers have been presented with a relatively narrow ideal of what is considered sexy lingerie. Think Playboy and their iconic bunny costume: corsage, focus on shapes, thin silk stockings and a play between the innocent and the vulgar. Or think Victoria's Secret and their annual fashion show – with a bold line under show – where the so-called Angels float down the catwalk in small lace outfits, often spiced up with bondage references, garter belts, glistening skin and big, fluffy hair.
I have an assumption: Our common frame of reference for what sexy lingerie is is largely created by brands like Playboy and Victoria's Secret based on two premises:
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that sex sells – also when it comes to underwear
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and that the vision is primarily shaped by what men think is sexy
All with the aim of getting the same men to spend a small fortune on underwear for their partners. Fun fact: Both empires were founded by a man.
But wouldn't it be more interesting to look elsewhere? To ask what women actually feel sexy in? Whether the feeling of "sexiness" really resides in the little laces - or whether it actually stems from something else entirely: self-confidence, comfort and the feeling of being safe in your own body.
The article is written by journalism student Sarah Majgaard
Underwear, self-confidence and the feeling of being sexy
Let's visit the research first: Studies show that the clothes we wear have a direct cognitive impact on us. In other words: what you wear affects how you feel .
Our clothes affect our mood, our confidence, and even our energy levels. Research into “enclothed cognition” describes the connection between clothing and emotions. For example, one study found that women feel more powerful in high heels than in flats. The point is not that high heels are better – but that the feeling of power and sexiness is individual.
This means that what brings out certain feelings in you - powerful, sexy, comfortable or something else, comes from you and cannot be defined by culture or other people (although we are deeply influenced by norms, upbringing, etc.).
What does the research say about underwear and self-confidence?
The next step must be to ask people in real life, and I started in our own office, first with Flow's director Cathrine:
"I'm probably influenced by culture, and red underwear is on the sensual, sexy end of the scale for me. Wearing that color could make me feel sexy. When I was younger, I bought all sorts of crazy things from magazines and culture that I was forced to wear, such as spiderweb-thin g-strings with rhinestones at the top - not at all comfortable to wear and not a particularly nice feeling when the whole ball just hangs freely - fabric also helps shape, hide and highlight. My partner today doesn't care at all about underwear - it's not a parameter for him, but then I can also just freely choose what's nice for me."
Next, I got in touch with Annika, who you will meet in our customer service:
“For me, sexiness in lingerie resides in the right cut - a cut that for me is high-waisted with a leg that cuts high up so my thighs are elbow-length. For example, I feel very sexy in our Everyday Flow Thong . Sexiness also resides in comfort, and then it resides inside me when I am well-rested, balanced and comfortable.”
And then I had to go wider into the world - in our community on Instagram I asked : What is sexy underwear for you? The answers were as diverse as the possibilities:
“For me it should be soft and not tight”
“I want colors, black underwear can be a bit boring”
“I like underwear that fits my body - I have curves, it should highlight that.”
“Red is just nice - but the shade is important, because not everyone suits my skin tone”
"I actually think a naked body is the most beautiful just like that."
And then the next thing: If underwear isn't the alpha and omega for feeling, what makes you feel sexy?
“A long bath - just the feeling of being clear and clean”
“Freshly washed, rested, mentally clear”
“When my partner has appreciated me during the day”
“When things are cleaned up - it gives me peace, so I can let myself go”
And then I couldn't resist testing the more stereotypical, sexy lingerie, so I showed three classic red sets - something with lace, something with shiny satin, and something without cups at all, followed by the question: "Is this sexy to you?"
67% answered “No, it doesn’t” - 27% said yes, saying it would make them feel sexy. The remaining 7% just wanted to see the answer.
Are you reading the same thing as me? Underwear works for some - but not necessarily what we are often conditioned to think is sexy. My thought is also that if someone were to be tempted to think that they could buy red underwear as a path to sex, the feeling often starts somewhere other than in the underwear. For example, with something as simple as a bath (and look, it's easy to offer), or paying attention to your partner during the day - not first in bed.
Sexy doesn't have to be uncomfortable
Despite popular culture's relatively narrow definition of sexy lingerie, we must conclude that the reality is far more nuanced.
What is truly sexy is far more multifaceted than what the red lace set represents. Perhaps feeling sexy actually comes from within and from the energy that arises in the encounter between people - more than by virtue of a product?
Sexy and confident don't look the same. And therefore there's no reason to compromise yourself to live up to a certain vision - or for that matter spend a fortune on underwear defined by what other (men) think.
Comfortable is sexy. Secure is sexy. Self-esteem is sexy.
So stock up on that - before you stock up on your underwear drawer.
What underwear do women feel sexy in?
Sexy lingerie is rarely about lace, colors or cuts alone – but about comfort, security and the feeling of being comfortable in your own body.
If you still want the classic red set, choose the version that reflects you and who you are. The sexiest underwear is the one you feel sexy in .
Maybe it's lace, maybe it's cotton, maybe it's with a garter belt and all the pipework. Our version of sexy underwear is soft, dark red mesh - only slightly transparent, so you still feel safe and comfortable. And by the way, with two fits on the panties: low-waisted and high-waisted . And as a bonus? Absorbent layer at the bottom of the panties - whether you're dripping post-sex or just a little spotting.
