Teenagers and Menstruation: A Guide for Parents
Author: Emma Libner
I remember my first period clearly. It came one autumn morning in the form of a dark spot in my Snoopy panties and changed everything I thought and felt about myself and my 11-year-old body. The spot wasn't very big - maybe the size of a nickel - but there was no mistaking what it symbolized: I was no longer an innocent big child, but a small adult who could get into trouble if I wasn't careful...
At Flow, we want to help make the first period a safe experience, no matter who you are. We believe that it starts with a good conversation. That's why we've compiled our best advice in a guide for all parents (including you, dad!) who need help talking to their teenager about menstruation.
Talk before your period comes.
We know for sure that it will come at some point. Menstruation. Yet it can be difficult to predict. In the 19th century, you could expect to get your first period when you were around 15-17 years old. Today, it is more likely that your menstrual cycle will start before your 13th birthday. The young age at which many people get their first period today means that there is a need for information earlier. Therefore, it may be a good idea to talk about menstruation with your child before the first blood comes.
Are you having trouble remembering the menstruation lesson from your biology lessons in elementary school? Then the first step is simply to read your homework. Fortunately, there are now several good books about menstruation in Danish that both you and your child can enjoy. We can recommend, among others, “Det er bare blod” by Louise T. Sjørvad & Jette Sandbæk and “Pigebogen” by Ellen Støkken Dahl and Nina Brochmann. Both are aimed at first-time menstruators and are therefore good beginner books.
Another great conversation starter is putting together a menstrual kit for your teen. A menstrual kit ( we've put together a suggestion here ) can, for example, consist of various menstrual products, a heating pad, snacks, painkillers, and other things gathered in a small basket that can help dress your teen in the best possible way for her first period.
The conversation doesn't have to be formal or particularly long. The key is to clearly signal that you are available to your child if any questions arise that they need to discuss with an adult. It gives them peace of mind knowing that there is always someone to go to, whether it's how to wash their period panties, dealing with sad PMS feelings, or taking good care of themselves when they have period pain.
Be mindful of your language
When it comes to talking about menstruation, it is easy - despite the best intentions - to reproduce myths and misconceptions. For example, menstruation in our culture is often spoken of as a special “women's thing” and something that makes the person who menstruates “a real woman”. Another common notion is the remark that menstrual blood is supposed to be “impure” and monthly bleeding is a form of cleansing of the body. Neither of these, however, is true. On the contrary, they are products of a gender perception that is constantly evolving, and that is based on cultural assumptions about gender rather than scientific facts.
For example, we know that there are trans men, non-binary and intersex people who also menstruate. Perhaps your child is one of those who is somewhere else on the gender spectrum, rather than on one of the two opposing extremes we call “man” and “woman”? Language is a powerful tool that creates our reality, so weigh your words and see if they land well with your young recipient.
Make your home as period-friendly as possible
Language is not the only thing that actively shapes our experience of menstruation. So is the physical environment we live in (most people who have tried to bleed at a festival or a public toilet without access to toilet paper know what I'm talking about!). Depending on what your teenager's needs are, you can therefore consider how the physical environment at home meets these needs.
For example, if your teenager uses menstrual panties, it might be nice to have a wet bag in their school bag and a place where they can hang their panties to dry after washing. It might also be a good idea to introduce a trash can in the bathroom if you don't already have one. Or a shelf or basket for other menstrual products that you can refill regularly.
In short: Think about how the physical environment at home can help your teenager manage their period with the least possible hassle. Often, it doesn't take much!
Respect your child's boundaries
In many cultures, the first menstruation is marked with a ritual that is meant to symbolize the transition from child to adult. For example, among the indigenous peoples of North America, the first menstruation is celebrated with a large feast and gifts. In recent years, traditional markings of the menarche have inspired similar events in Denmark, where so-called period parties have gradually begun to gain popularity. Here, for example, you can decorate with red balloons and serve food in red shades to celebrate the arrival of the young person's first menstruation.
Whether you choose to throw a period party for the whole family or just have an informed conversation at the bedside, it's crucial that you respect your child's boundaries. Some find it borderline to talk about their bodies with their parents, while others ask curiously without much of a filter. Both are perfectly okay and should always be respected.
Remember that what feels best for your child may not be what you would choose yourself. And of course there should be room for that <3
